with a heavy heart.. we give you our angel horse

A conversation between a Mom and her son trying to explain life in terms for a child..

Me: So I think Mr. Cool has taken his time with us and is hurting  and God wants him for an angel horse.

Kiddo: Why? (with a puzzled tortured look because he knows about angel puppies)

Me: well he has had his time with us and now he needs wings to move. His hooves hurt so he can’t walk. He eats, but his body doesn’t want the food.

Kiddo: You have to have food. (a silent thinking pause)  an Angel Horse?

Me: Yes… We don’t want him hurting anymore. He has been with us for so long and been such a good horse. Do you think God could use a good Angel horse?

Kiddo: I think it’s about time God learned to be a cowboy and could use a good Angel horse.

(said with a crooked shaky smile and tears pouring over his tender cheeks. He wraps his arms tight around my neck and bury his head in my neck and sighs)

**

Dear God, it is with a very heavy heart and soul.  We give you our Mr. Cool to be your Angel Horse. Ride him well.

With Love

The Durnans

**

Baring my soul…

Today is the day we have known was coming for quite some time. Knowing doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. Last night my hubby and I discussed how we just feel beat up by everything happening in life lately. It is emotionally, but it wears on you physically. Also, decisions were made about what is right for a child to be a part of in the “this is a part of life” scenario. He abruptly lost his puppy and still is emotionally touchy about  her over a year later. Some don’t understand the place pets can take in our lives and be a part of our every day family life. They are just one of us and I wouldn’t have it any other way. They are thought of every time we leave the house, every time we come home, every time we go on vacation, every weekend as we plan, and every day before breakfast and dinner. How can they not become a part of us.  I, also, know that we cannot willing go on with our oldest horse living in this much pain, after managing it for years and it now grows, and suffering other effects as well as his body breaks down. Winter is coming and last winter was difficult for him. It has been cold one week here and already he was another ten years older it seemed. It still does not make the lump in my throat go away, my eyes dry up, my lungs feel like I can breathe again or  stop my heart from feeling like a heavy raw stone in my chest.

I thank my husband for having the strength to be who he is. I thank my friends and family who have listened to me talk this through over and over. I thank our vet for listening to me talk  it  out with her. Her kind words noting that she knows we, as owners, have not made any decisions lightly regarding our animals. And sitting with us patiently after. I thank my friends who will pick up my kiddo after school. I thank you for reading as I bare my soul. Sometimes this blog becomes my therapy log.

I still wish on the eve of today, today was over, and tomorrow was starting already, but I know in advance the heart ache will still be here tomorrow. So with my best friend, we will go through it and lean on each other. Then explain to our son, this evening, that sometimes “part of life” isn’t fun and laughter, but heart ache born from a bond of love that has enlightened our lives. Through it all, we will still have each other to lean on as we are family and friends.

my regards

chris